Endings? Beginnings? Where is your focus when the year turns?
Here we are. The last two weeks of the year. It is interesting to me to observe how different people feel about this time of year, because it gives me opportunity to reflect on how I feel.
It has been a tough year…I’ll be glad when it’s over
Generally speaking, I have noticed there are those that just can’t wait to be done with the year, the energies are just too much, the events now over are too raw, and the awakening and deepening that occurred or is still in process, was simply too overwhelming.
What I see looking at this pattern, is that it is more about not being able to allow the time or space to be with their own processes, to integrate, to heal, to simply rest quiet in the stillness of Spirit, the part of them that goes beyond this space and this time.
Understandable. I think, at least in the U.S. Here the end of the year is a hectic pace of parties, concerts, shopping, and other demands on our resources of time, energy, and material wealth. On one side of the coin, those connect us to each other filling our hearts with the magic and miracles of this time of the year. On the other side other the coin, they can pile so much on top of each other they drown out the call to honor the rhythms in our bodies that match the darkness and quiet call for hibernation, rejuvenation, rest.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, I invite you to try this. Embrace the dark.
Whether early in the morning, or well after sunset, put on a scarf, an extra layer of clothes, some soft gloves, and go for a walk in the quiet dark.
Feel the earth and trees around you, slowing, content with quiet peace and stillness.
Connect with the stars (or clouds) above you, blanketing you, comforting.
Let the stillness around you cause a resonance within you, and let the dark embrace you, let it soothe you.
“I said to my soul, be still, and wait…
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. “
Next year is going to be amazing! I can’t wait to…
Another group of people I witness at this time of year are those who have the first 3 months of the next year planned out, their calendars are already full and they are mapping out the summer. Now I get the need to look ahead and block out time for priorities including vacation and trainings or classes. But this group of people is often so far into the future, they ignore what they experienced in this very day (unless it was something to mark off the to-do list)
Ironically, they are holding the same coin as the other group of people. Too much to do, not enough time, have to control every moment so they can fit it all in, and yet…..they don’t notice 90% of what is here now.
I find that I am waiting.
For myself, I am noticing a different energy as the year comes to a close, I find that I am waiting. Perhaps not as intense as the group of planners, I am also not finding ‘Present Time.’ My ability to ground into the moment, to enjoy what is here right now is elusive, or maybe just not as effective as it has been in the past.
It is a multifaceted challenge.
I recognize I fell out of step with present time somewhere in Mid October, and I have a sense deep down of waiting.
Waiting for… something.
Layered over that is the frustration of ‘not knowing’ and resistance to the unknown.
I am amused, because I know the frustration pattern is my ego’s response to waiting.
Patience is not a word the ego aspect of me embraces, in fact, my ego can be rather defiant and pushy. You know, “Bossy”
My ego’s perspective is that I obviously need to be doing something to fix whatever this delay is. Would I please just put on my big-girl panties and make tremendous effort strongly against this ‘unknown’.
Even though I am aware of it, and know it is just a reaction, that emotional reaction affects my thoughts.
I am noticing where my mind and my thoughts are ahead of present time well into January, maybe even February.
If, for a minute, maybe ten, I am in present time, I can flip to the other extreme becoming sad because I missed nearly all of today.
It’s quite the conundrum, isn’t it, finding wholeness and present time.
It’s quite the conundrum isn’t it, finding wholeness and present time. Noticing what is here today, what was experienced, not focused in regret or in anticipation, but being here.
This is how I work on this within myself.
First, it doesn’t matter if I am stuck on a past event, or impatient for a future one, I am avoiding the now, a part of me is trying to protect me from something. I search my body, finding the points of discomfort, and then teasing the related emotions forward like I would coax a frightened animal.
Second acceptance. Allowing my emotions and giving them permission to be there and to be accepted exactly as they are.
Third, search and celebrate. With each emotional challenge is a strength. Choosing the courage to feel the emotion, and finding a way to celebrate the gift the bring.
Lastly, releasing. Letting go of the protection and the emotion. The past and emotions do not define me, they only communicate with me, and I appreciate both aspects.
I received in my own meditations the peaceful reminder to let go of the need to know, to direct the path.
It has been the word, the lesson, the gift that I have been grappling with this entire season.
Not just Trusting myself. Not just applying discernment and faith in trusting others.
The deep down trust in the Divine, and the certainty that I am supported and loved, and that all circumstances are co-created for my experience.
Experiences are only defined by my perspective and judgement of them, which are wholly subjective.
As someone I just met yesterday told me, ‘All that tension in your body, you created. You just need to flip the picture. Flip the picture and it will all release.”
“To conquer the unknown you must trust.” – Yogi Bhajan
Photos in order by: Tobias Tullius, Nathan Anderson, Jenny Le, Dennis Buchner, and Jay Sadoff on Unsplash.com
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